First Birthday!

Dear Max,

Congratulations on your first birthday!

I remember the morning you were born so vividly. You came into this world on April 14, 2010 at 5:57 am. It was a very quick and easy labor. I guess you were ready to step into this world and move ahead, as you do so powerfully since that day. Love at first sight cannot even begin to describe the feeling I had when you were placed into my arms for the first time. Your eyes drew me into a world I could not even imagine. You surpassed everything I had ever dreamed of and more, and I knew that God had given me the most important job in the world, to be your mother. I want to be the mother that you deserve, and that is so much pressure because you deserve the best.

The kind of love you awakened in me that day took me by surprise. It's not more or better than other love, only different. Different from the way I love your Dad, different from the way I love my parents and my brothers, and different from the way I love life. It has enriched my life.

And with that love came a full range of other emotions. I have experienced feelings of helplessness in the early weeks and nights, despair when you were crying relentlessly, and feelings of pity when you were in pain. The biggest feeling of all was the insecurity about all the new aspects of life that being a parent brings with it. They too have enriched my life.

You have inspired me in so many ways by just being you. The relentless effort you put into discovering the world and developing your skills have astounded me more than once. It makes me wonder why and when we as people lose the ambition and energy to be so vigorous in developing ourselves.You have also awakened another level of being me. You made me think about life in a different perspective. You made me think about life beyond my own and its consequences, this still has me puzzled in many ways.

Your being here has also deepened my love for your daddy. I can see his love for you and his devotion to be the best dad he can be. It fills my heart with love and warmth to see you two together, playing together and sharing love and fun.

In closing, I want you to know that I'll be here for you on your journey through this thing called life. You can count on me for being there when you need support. Keep on filling the pages of your book in your unique way. I'll be reading and writing and helping you along the way. I know that I cannot hold onto this moment forever, but I hope that one day you will read this letter and understand how much I love you. That word still seems too small, but I will always love you, as your mother, your friend, your biggest fan. You saved me, and gave me hope in a hopeless world.

Thank you for being you, I love you.

Mama